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ACT I, SCENE I.

Before LEONATO'S house.

Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a Messenger

LEONATO
001: I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon
002: comes this night to Messina.

Messenger
003: He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off
004: when I left him.

LEONATO
005: How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

Messenger
006: But few of any sort, and none of name.

LEONATO
007: A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings
008: home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath
009: bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.

Messenger
010: Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by
011: Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the
012: promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb,
013: the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better
014: bettered expectation than you must expect of me to
015: tell you how.

LEONATO
016: He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much
017: glad of it.

Messenger
018: I have already delivered him letters, and there
019: appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could
020: not show itself modest enough without a badge of
021: bitterness.

LEONATO
022: Did he break out into tears?

Messenger
023: In great measure.

LEONATO
024: A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces
025: truer than those that are so washed. How much
026: better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping!

BEATRICE
027: I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the
028: wars or no?

Messenger
029: I know none of that name, lady: there was none such
030: in the army of any sort.

LEONATO
031: What is he that you ask for, niece?

HERO
032: My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

Messenger
033: O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.

BEATRICE
034: He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged
035: Cupid at the flight; and my uncle's fool, reading
036: the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged
037: him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he
038: killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath
039: he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.

LEONATO
040: Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much;
041: but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.

Messenger
042: He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

BEATRICE
043: You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it:
044: he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an
045: excellent stomach.

Messenger
046: And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE
047: And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord?

Messenger
048: A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all
049: honourable virtues.

BEATRICE
050: It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man:
051: but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal.

LEONATO
052: You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a
053: kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:
054: they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit
055: between them.

BEATRICE
056: Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last
057: conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and
058: now is the whole man governed with one: so that if
059: he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him
060: bear it for a difference between himself and his
061: horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left,
062: to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his
063: companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.

Messenger
064: Is't possible?

BEATRICE
065: Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as
066: the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the
067: next block.

Messenger
068: I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

BEATRICE
069: No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray
070: you, who is his companion? Is there no young
071: squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?

Messenger
072: He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

BEATRICE
073: O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he
074: is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker
075: runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if
076: he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a
077: thousand pound ere a' be cured.

Messenger
078: I will hold friends with you, lady.

BEATRICE
079: Do, good friend.

LEONATO
080: You will never run mad, niece.

BEATRICE
081: No, not till a hot January.

Messenger
082: Don Pedro is approached.

Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and BALTHASAR

DON PEDRO
083: Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your
084: trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid
085: cost, and you encounter it.

LEONATO
086: Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of
087: your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should
088: remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides
089: and happiness takes his leave.

DON PEDRO
090: You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this
091: is your daughter.

LEONATO
092: Her mother hath many times told me so.

BENEDICK
093: Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?

LEONATO
094: Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

DON PEDRO
095: You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this
096: what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers
097: herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an
098: honourable father.

BENEDICK
099: If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not
100: have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as
101: like him as she is.

BEATRICE
102: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior
103: Benedick: nobody marks you.

BENEDICK
104: What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

BEATRICE
105: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath
106: such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?
107: Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come
108: in her presence.

BENEDICK
109: Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I
110: am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I
111: would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard
112: heart; for, truly, I love none.

BEATRICE
113: A dear happiness to women: they would else have
114: been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God
115: and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I
116: had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man
117: swear he loves me.

BENEDICK
118: God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some
119: gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate
120: scratched face.

BEATRICE
121: Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such
122: a face as yours were.

BENEDICK
123: Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

BEATRICE
124: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

BENEDICK
125: I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and
126: so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's
127: name; I have done.

BEATRICE
128: You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

DON PEDRO
129: That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio
130: and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath
131: invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at
132: the least a month; and he heartily prays some
133: occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no
134: hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

LEONATO
135: If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.
[To DON JOHN]
136: Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to
137: the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

DON JOHN
138: I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank
139: you.

LEONATO
140: Please it your grace lead on?

DON PEDRO
141: Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.

Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO

CLAUDIO
142: Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?

BENEDICK
143: I noted her not; but I looked on her.

CLAUDIO
144: Is she not a modest young lady?

BENEDICK
145: Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for
146: my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak
147: after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

CLAUDIO
148: No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

BENEDICK
149: Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high
150: praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little
151: for a great praise: only this commendation I can
152: afford her, that were she other than she is, she
153: were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I
154: do not like her.

CLAUDIO
155: Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me
156: truly how thou likest her.

BENEDICK
157: Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?

CLAUDIO
158: Can the world buy such a jewel?

BENEDICK
159: Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this
160: with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting Jack,
161: to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan a
162: rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take
163: you, to go in the song?

CLAUDIO
164: In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I
165: looked on.

BENEDICK
166: I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such
167: matter: there's her cousin, an she were not
168: possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty
169: as the first of May doth the last of December. But I
170: hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?

CLAUDIO
171: I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the
172: contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

BENEDICK
173: Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world
174: one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion?
175: Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score again?
176: Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck
177: into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away
178: Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

Re-enter DON PEDRO

DON PEDRO
179: What secret hath held you here, that you followed
180: not to Leonato's?

BENEDICK
181: I would your grace would constrain me to tell.

DON PEDRO
182: I charge thee on thy allegiance.

BENEDICK
183: You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb
184: man; I would have you think so; but, on my
185: allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is
186: in love. With who? now that is your grace's part.
187: Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero, Leonato's
188: short daughter.

CLAUDIO
189: If this were so, so were it uttered.

BENEDICK
190: Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor
191: 'twas not so, but, indeed, God forbid it should be
192: so.'

CLAUDIO
193: If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it
194: should be otherwise.

DON PEDRO
195: Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

CLAUDIO
196: You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

DON PEDRO
197: By my troth, I speak my thought.

CLAUDIO
198: And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

BENEDICK
199: And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

CLAUDIO
200: That I love her, I feel.

DON PEDRO
201: That she is worthy, I know.

BENEDICK
202: That I neither feel how she should be loved nor
203: know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that
204: fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake.

DON PEDRO
205: Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite
206: of beauty.

CLAUDIO
207: And never could maintain his part but in the force
208: of his will.

BENEDICK
209: That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she
210: brought me up, I likewise give her most humble
211: thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my
212: forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick,
213: all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do
214: them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the
215: right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which
216: I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

DON PEDRO
217: I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

BENEDICK
218: With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord,
219: not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood
220: with love than I will get again with drinking, pick
221: out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me
222: up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of
223: blind Cupid.

DON PEDRO
224: Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou
225: wilt prove a notable argument.

BENEDICK
226: If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot
227: at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on
228: the shoulder, and called Adam.

DON PEDRO
229: Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull
230: doth bear the yoke.'

BENEDICK
231: The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible
232: Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set
233: them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted,
234: and in such great letters as they write 'Here is
235: good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign
236: 'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

CLAUDIO
237: If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

DON PEDRO
238: Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in
239: Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.

BENEDICK
240: I look for an earthquake too, then.

DON PEDRO
241: Well, you temporize with the hours. In the
242: meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to
243: Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I will
244: not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made
245: great preparation.

BENEDICK
246: I have almost matter enough in me for such an
247: embassage; and so I commit you--

CLAUDIO
248: To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had it,--

DON PEDRO
249: The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick.

BENEDICK
250: Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your
251: discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and
252: the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere
253: you flout old ends any further, examine your
254: conscience: and so I leave you.

Exit

CLAUDIO
255: My liege, your highness now may do me good.

DON PEDRO
256: My love is thine to teach: teach it but how,
257: And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn
258: Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

CLAUDIO
259: Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

DON PEDRO
260: No child but Hero; she's his only heir.
261: Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

CLAUDIO
262: O, my lord,
263: When you went onward on this ended action,
264: I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,
265: That liked, but had a rougher task in hand
266: Than to drive liking to the name of love:
267: But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts
268: Have left their places vacant, in their rooms
269: Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
270: All prompting me how fair young Hero is,
271: Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars.

DON PEDRO
272: Thou wilt be like a lover presently
273: And tire the hearer with a book of words.
274: If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,
275: And I will break with her and with her father,
276: And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end
277: That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

CLAUDIO
278: How sweetly you do minister to love,
279: That know love's grief by his complexion!
280: But lest my liking might too sudden seem,
281: I would have salved it with a longer treatise.

DON PEDRO
282: What need the bridge much broader than the flood?
283: The fairest grant is the necessity.
284: Look, what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest,
285: And I will fit thee with the remedy.
286: I know we shall have revelling to-night:
287: I will assume thy part in some disguise
288: And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,
289: And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart
290: And take her hearing prisoner with the force
291: And strong encounter of my amorous tale:
292: Then after to her father will I break;
293: And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.
294: In practise let us put it presently.

Exeunt

ACT I, SCENE II.

A room in LEONATO's house.

Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting

LEONATO
001: How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your son?
002: hath he provided this music?

ANTONIO
003: He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell
004: you strange news that you yet dreamt not of.

LEONATO
005: Are they good?

ANTONIO
006: As the event stamps them: but they have a good
007: cover; they show well outward. The prince and Count
008: Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine
009: orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of mine:
010: the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my
011: niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it
012: this night in a dance: and if he found her
013: accordant, he meant to take the present time by the
014: top and instantly break with you of it.

LEONATO
015: Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?

ANTONIO
016: A good sharp fellow: I will send for him; and
017: question him yourself.

LEONATO
018: No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear
019: itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal,
020: that she may be the better prepared for an answer,
021: if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it.
[Enter Attendants]
022: Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you
023: mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your
024: skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time.

Exeunt

ACT I, SCENE III.

The same.

Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE

CONRADE
001: What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out
002: of measure sad?

DON JOHN
003: There is no measure in the occasion that breeds;
004: therefore the sadness is without limit.

CONRADE
005: You should hear reason.

DON JOHN
006: And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?

CONRADE
007: If not a present remedy, at least a patient
008: sufferance.

DON JOHN
009: I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art,
010: born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral
011: medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide
012: what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile
013: at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait
014: for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and
015: tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and
016: claw no man in his humour.

CONRADE
017: Yea, but you must not make the full show of this
018: till you may do it without controlment. You have of
019: late stood out against your brother, and he hath
020: ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is
021: impossible you should take true root but by the
022: fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful
023: that you frame the season for your own harvest.

DON JOHN
024: I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in
025: his grace, and it better fits my blood to be
026: disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob
027: love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to
028: be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied
029: but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with
030: a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I
031: have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my
032: mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do
033: my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and
034: seek not to alter me.

CONRADE
035: Can you make no use of your discontent?

DON JOHN
036: I make all use of it, for I use it only.
037: Who comes here?
[Enter BORACHIO]
038: What news, Borachio?

BORACHIO
039: I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your
040: brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I
041: can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.

DON JOHN
042: Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?
043: What is he for a fool that betroths himself to
044: unquietness?

BORACHIO
045: Marry, it is your brother's right hand.

DON JOHN
046: Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

BORACHIO
047: Even he.

DON JOHN
048: A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks
049: he?

BORACHIO
050: Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

DON JOHN
051: A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

BORACHIO
052: Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a
053: musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand
054: in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the
055: arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the
056: prince should woo Hero for himself, and having
057: obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.

DON JOHN
058: Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to
059: my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the
060: glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I
061: bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?

CONRADE
062: To the death, my lord.

DON JOHN
063: Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the
064: greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of
065: my mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done?

BORACHIO
066: We'll wait upon your lordship.

Exeunt

ACT II, SCENE I.

A hall in LEONATO'S house.

Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others

LEONATO
001: Was not Count John here at supper?

ANTONIO
002: I saw him not.

BEATRICE
003: How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see
004: him but I am heart-burned an hour after.

HERO
005: He is of a very melancholy disposition.

BEATRICE
006: He were an excellent man that were made just in the
007: midway between him and Benedick: the one is too
008: like an image and says nothing, and the other too
009: like my lady's eldest son, evermore tattling.

LEONATO
010: Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count John's
011: mouth, and half Count John's melancholy in Signior
012: Benedick's face,--

BEATRICE
013: With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money
014: enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman
015: in the world, if a' could get her good-will.

LEONATO
016: By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a
017: husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

ANTONIO
018: In faith, she's too curst.

BEATRICE
019: Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God's
020: sending that way; for it is said, 'God sends a curst
021: cow short horns;' but to a cow too curst he sends none.

LEONATO
022: So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

BEATRICE
023: Just, if he send me no husband; for the which
024: blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and
025: evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a
026: beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.

LEONATO
027: You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

BEATRICE
028: What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel
029: and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a
030: beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no
031: beard is less than a man: and he that is more than
032: a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a
033: man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take
034: sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his
035: apes into hell.

LEONATO
036: Well, then, go you into hell?

BEATRICE
037: No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet
038: me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and
039: say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to
040: heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so deliver
041: I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the
042: heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and
043: there live we as merry as the day is long.

ANTONIO [To HERO]
044: Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled
045: by your father.

BEATRICE
046: Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy
047: and say 'Father, as it please you.' But yet for all
048: that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else
049: make another curtsy and say 'Father, as it please
050: me.'

LEONATO
051: Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

BEATRICE
052: Not till God make men of some other metal than
053: earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be
054: overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make
055: an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?
056: No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren;
057: and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

LEONATO
058: Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince
059: do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

BEATRICE
060: The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be
061: not wooed in good time: if the prince be too
062: important, tell him there is measure in every thing
063: and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero:
064: wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch jig,
065: a measure, and a cinque pace: the first suit is hot
066: and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as
067: fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a
068: measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes
069: repentance and, with his bad legs, falls into the
070: cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.

LEONATO
071: Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

BEATRICE
072: I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight.

LEONATO
073: The revellers are entering, brother: make good room.

All put on their masks

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHASAR, DON JOHN, BORACHIO, MARGARET, URSULA and others, masked

DON PEDRO
074: Lady, will you walk about with your friend?

HERO
075: So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing,
076: I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away.

DON PEDRO
077: With me in your company?

HERO
078: I may say so, when I please.

DON PEDRO
079: And when please you to say so?

HERO
080: When I like your favour; for God defend the lute
081: should be like the case!

DON PEDRO
082: My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove.

HERO
083: Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

DON PEDRO
084: Speak low, if you speak love.

Drawing her aside

BALTHASAR
085: Well, I would you did like me.

MARGARET
086: So would not I, for your own sake; for I have many
087: ill-qualities.

BALTHASAR
088: Which is one?

MARGARET
089: I say my prayers aloud.

BALTHASAR
090: I love you the better: the hearers may cry, Amen.

MARGARET
091: God match me with a good dancer!

BALTHASAR
092: Amen.

MARGARET
093: And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is
094: done! Answer, clerk.

BALTHASAR
095: No more words: the clerk is answered.

URSULA
096: I know you well enough; you are Signior Antonio.

ANTONIO
097: At a word, I am not.

URSULA
098: I know you by the waggling of your head.

ANTONIO
099: To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

URSULA
100: You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were
101: the very man. Here's his dry hand up and down: you
102: are he, you are he.

ANTONIO
103: At a word, I am not.

URSULA
104: Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your
105: excellent wit? can virtue hide itself? Go to,
106: mum, you are he: graces will appear, and there's an
107: end.

BEATRICE
108: Will you not tell me who told you so?

BENEDICK
109: No, you shall pardon me.

BEATRICE
110: Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BENEDICK
111: Not now.

BEATRICE
112: That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit
113: out of the 'Hundred Merry Tales:'--well this was
114: Signior Benedick that said so.

BENEDICK
115: What's he?

BEATRICE
116: I am sure you know him well enough.

BENEDICK
117: Not I, believe me.

BEATRICE
118: Did he never make you laugh?

BENEDICK
119: I pray you, what is he?

BEATRICE
120: Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool;
121: only his gift is in devising impossible slanders:
122: none but libertines delight in him; and the
123: commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany;
124: for he both pleases men and angers them, and then
125: they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in
126: the fleet: I would he had boarded me.

BENEDICK
127: When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say.

BEATRICE
128: Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on me;
129: which, peradventure not marked or not laughed at,
130: strikes him into melancholy; and then there's a
131: partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no
132: supper that night.
[Music]
133: We must follow the leaders.

BENEDICK
134: In every good thing.

BEATRICE
135: Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at
136: the next turning.

Dance. Then exeunt all except DON JOHN, BORACHIO, and CLAUDIO

DON JOHN
137: Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and hath
138: withdrawn her father to break with him about it.
139: The ladies follow her and but one visor remains.

BORACHIO
140: And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing.

DON JOHN
141: Are not you Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO
142: You know me well; I am he.

DON JOHN
143: Signior, you are very near my brother in his love:
144: he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him
145: from her: she is no equal for his birth: you may
146: do the part of an honest man in it.

CLAUDIO
147: How know you he loves her?

DON JOHN
148: I heard him swear his affection.

BORACHIO
149: So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night.

DON JOHN
150: Come, let us to the banquet.

Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO

CLAUDIO
151: Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,
152: But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
153: 'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself.
154: Friendship is constant in all other things
155: Save in the office and affairs of love:
156: Therefore, all hearts in love use their own tongues;
157: Let every eye negotiate for itself
158: And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
159: Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
160: This is an accident of hourly proof,
161: Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!

Re-enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK
162: Count Claudio?

CLAUDIO
163: Yea, the same.

BENEDICK
164: Come, will you go with me?

CLAUDIO
165: Whither?

BENEDICK
166: Even to the next willow, about your own business,
167: county. What fashion will you wear the garland of?
168: about your neck, like an usurer's chain? or under
169: your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must wear
170: it one way, for the prince hath got your Hero.

CLAUDIO
171: I wish him joy of her.

BENEDICK
172: Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier: so they
173: sell bullocks. But did you think the prince would
174: have served you thus?

CLAUDIO
175: I pray you, leave me.

BENEDICK
176: Ho! now you strike like the blind man: 'twas the
177: boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post.

CLAUDIO
178: If it will not be, I'll leave you.

Exit

BENEDICK
179: Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into sedges.
180: But that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not
181: know me! The prince's fool! Ha? It may be I go
182: under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I
183: am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it
184: is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice
185: that puts the world into her person and so gives me
186: out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may.

Re-enter DON PEDRO

DON PEDRO
187: Now, signior, where's the count? did you see him?

BENEDICK
188: Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame.
189: I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a
190: warren: I told him, and I think I told him true,
191: that your grace had got the good will of this young
192: lady; and I offered him my company to a willow-tree,
193: either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or
194: to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped.

DON PEDRO
195: To be whipped! What's his fault?

BENEDICK
196: The flat transgression of a schoolboy, who, being
197: overjoyed with finding a birds' nest, shows it his
198: companion, and he steals it.

DON PEDRO
199: Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The
200: transgression is in the stealer.

BENEDICK
201: Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made,
202: and the garland too; for the garland he might have
203: worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on
204: you, who, as I take it, have stolen his birds' nest.

DON PEDRO
205: I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to
206: the owner.

BENEDICK
207: If their singing answer your saying, by my faith,
208: you say honestly.

DON PEDRO
209: The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the
210: gentleman that danced with her told her she is much
211: wronged by you.

BENEDICK
212: O, she misused me past the endurance of a block!
213: an oak but with one green leaf on it would have
214: answered her; my very visor began to assume life and
215: scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been
216: myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I was
217: duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest
218: with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood
219: like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at
220: me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs:
221: if her breath were as terrible as her terminations,
222: there were no living near her; she would infect to
223: the north star. I would not marry her, though she
224: were endowed with all that Adam bad left him before
225: he transgressed: she would have made Hercules have
226: turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make
227: the fire too. Come, talk not of her: you shall find
228: her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God
229: some scholar would conjure her; for certainly, while
230: she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a
231: sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they
232: would go thither; so, indeed, all disquiet, horror
233: and perturbation follows her.

DON PEDRO
234: Look, here she comes.

Enter CLAUDIO, BEATRICE, HERO, and LEONATO

BENEDICK
235: Will your grace command me any service to the
236: world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now
237: to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on;
238: I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the
239: furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of
240: Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the great
241: Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies,
242: rather than hold three words' conference with this
243: harpy. You have no employment for me?

DON PEDRO
244: None, but to desire your good company.

BENEDICK
245: O God, sir, here's a dish I love not: I cannot
246: endure my Lady Tongue.

Exit

DON PEDRO
247: Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of
248: Signior Benedick.

BEATRICE
249: Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave
250: him use for it, a double heart for his single one:
251: marry, once before he won it of me with false dice,
252: therefore your grace may well say I have lost it.

DON PEDRO
253: You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

BEATRICE
254: So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I
255: should prove the mother of fools. I have brought
256: Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.

DON PEDRO
257: Why, how now, count! wherefore are you sad?

CLAUDIO
258: Not sad, my lord.

DON PEDRO
259: How then? sick?

CLAUDIO
260: Neither, my lord.

BEATRICE
261: The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor
262: well; but civil count, civil as an orange, and
263: something of that jealous complexion.

DON PEDRO
264: I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true;
265: though, I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is
266: false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and
267: fair Hero is won: I have broke with her father,
268: and his good will obtained: name the day of
269: marriage, and God give thee joy!

LEONATO
270: Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my
271: fortunes: his grace hath made the match, and an
272: grace say Amen to it.

BEATRICE
273: Speak, count, 'tis your cue.

CLAUDIO
274: Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were
275: but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as
276: you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for
277: you and dote upon the exchange.

BEATRICE
278: Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth
279: with a kiss, and let not him speak neither.

DON PEDRO
280: In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

BEATRICE
281: Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on
282: the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his
283: ear that he is in her heart.

CLAUDIO
284: And so she doth, cousin.

BEATRICE
285: Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the
286: world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a
287: corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband!

DON PEDRO
288: Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

BEATRICE
289: I would rather have one of your father's getting.
290: Hath your grace ne'er a brother like you? Your
291: father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.

DON PEDRO
292: Will you have me, lady?

BEATRICE
293: No, my lord, unless I might have another for
294: working-days: your grace is too costly to wear
295: every day. But, I beseech your grace, pardon me: I
296: was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

DON PEDRO
297: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best
298: becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in
299: a merry hour.

BEATRICE
300: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there
301: was a star danced, and under that was I born.
302: Cousins, God give you joy!

LEONATO
303: Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

BEATRICE
304: I cry you mercy, uncle. By your grace's pardon.

Exit

DON PEDRO
305: By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

LEONATO
306: There's little of the melancholy element in her, my
307: lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps, and
308: not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter say,
309: she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked
310: herself with laughing.

DON PEDRO
311: She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

LEONATO
312: O, by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit.

DON PEDRO
313: She were an excellent wife for Benedict.

LEONATO
314: O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married,
315: they would talk themselves mad.

DON PEDRO
316: County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

CLAUDIO
317: To-morrow, my lord: time goes on crutches till love
318: have all his rites.

LEONATO
319: Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
320: seven-night; and a time too brief, too, to have all
321: things answer my mind.

DON PEDRO
322: Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing:
323: but, I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
324: dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of
325: Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Signior
326: Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of
327: affection the one with the other. I would fain have
328: it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if
329: you three will but minister such assistance as I
330: shall give you direction.

LEONATO
331: My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten
332: nights' watchings.

CLAUDIO
333: And I, my lord.

DON PEDRO
334: And you too, gentle Hero?

HERO
335: I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my
336: cousin to a good husband.

DON PEDRO
337: And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that
338: I know. Thus far can I praise him; he is of a noble
339: strain, of approved valour and confirmed honesty. I
340: will teach you how to humour your cousin, that she
341: shall fall in love with Benedick; and I, with your
342: two helps, will so practise on Benedick that, in
343: despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he
344: shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this,
345: Cupid is no longer an archer: his glory shall be
346: ours, for we are the only love-gods. Go in with me,
347: and I will tell you my drift.

Exeunt

ACT II, SCENE II.

The same.

Enter DON JOHN and BORACHIO

DON JOHN
001: It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the
002: daughter of Leonato.

BORACHIO
003: Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.

DON JOHN
004: Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be
005: medicinable to me: I am sick in displeasure to him,
006: and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges
007: evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this marriage?

BORACHIO
008: Not honestly, my lord; but so covertly that no
009: dishonesty shall appear in me.

DON JOHN
010: Show me briefly how.

BORACHIO
011: I think I told your lordship a year since, how much
012: I am in the favour of Margaret, the waiting
013: gentlewoman to Hero.

DON JOHN
014: I remember.

BORACHIO
015: I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night,
016: appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber window.

DON JOHN
017: What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?

BORACHIO
018: The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to
019: the prince your brother; spare not to tell him that
020: he hath wronged his honour in marrying the renowned
021: Claudio--whose estimation do you mightily hold
022: up--to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.

DON JOHN
023: What proof shall I make of that?

BORACHIO
024: Proof enough to misuse the prince, to vex Claudio,
025: to undo Hero and kill Leonato. Look you for any
026: other issue?

DON JOHN
027: Only to despite them, I will endeavour any thing.

BORACHIO
028: Go, then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and
029: the Count Claudio alone: tell them that you know
030: that Hero loves me; intend a kind of zeal both to the
031: prince and Claudio, as,--in love of your brother's
032: honour, who hath made this match, and his friend's
033: reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with the
034: semblance of a maid,--that you have discovered
035: thus. They will scarcely believe this without trial:
036: offer them instances; which shall bear no less
037: likelihood than to see me at her chamber-window,
038: hear me call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me
039: Claudio; and bring them to see this the very night
040: before the intended wedding,--for in the meantime I
041: will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be
042: absent,--and there shall appear such seeming truth
043: of Hero's disloyalty that jealousy shall be called
044: assurance and all the preparation overthrown.

DON JOHN
045: Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put
046: it in practise. Be cunning in the working this, and
047: thy fee is a thousand ducats.

BORACHIO
048: Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning
049: shall not shame me.

DON JOHN
050: I will presently go learn their day of marriage.

Exeunt

ACT II, SCENE III.

LEONATO'S orchard.

Enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK
001: Boy!

Enter Boy

Boy
002: Signior?

BENEDICK
003: In my chamber-window lies a book: bring it hither
004: to me in the orchard.

Boy
005: I am here already, sir.

BENEDICK
006: I know that; but I would have thee hence, and here again.
[Exit Boy]
007: I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much
008: another man is a fool when he dedicates his
009: behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at
010: such shallow follies in others, become the argument
011: of his own scorn by failing in love: and such a man
012: is Claudio. I have known when there was no music
013: with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he
014: rather hear the tabour and the pipe: I have known
015: when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a
016: good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake,
017: carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to
018: speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man
019: and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his
020: words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many
021: strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with
022: these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not
023: be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster; but
024: I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster
025: of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman
026: is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am
027: well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all
028: graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in
029: my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain; wise,
030: or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her;
031: fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come not
032: near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good
033: discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall
034: be of what colour it please God. Ha! the prince and
035: Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour.

Withdraws

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO

DON PEDRO
036: Come, shall we hear this music?

CLAUDIO
037: Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,
038: As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!

DON PEDRO
039: See you where Benedick hath hid himself?

CLAUDIO
040: O, very well, my lord: the music ended,
041: We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.

Enter BALTHASAR with Music

DON PEDRO
042: Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.

BALTHASAR
043: O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
044: To slander music any more than once.

DON PEDRO
045: It is the witness still of excellency
046: To put a strange face on his own perfection.
047: I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more.

BALTHASAR
048: Because you talk of wooing, I will sing;
049: Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
050: To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,
051: Yet will he swear he loves.

DON PEDRO
052: Now, pray thee, come;
053: Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument,
054: Do it in notes.

BALTHASAR
055: Note this before my notes;
056: There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.

DON PEDRO
057: Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks;
058: Note, notes, forsooth, and nothing.

Air

BENEDICK
059: Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is it
060: not strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls out
061: of men's bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when
062: all's done.

The Song

BALTHASAR
063: Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
064: Men were deceivers ever,
065: One foot in sea and one on shore,
066: To one thing constant never:
067: Then sigh not so, but let them go,
068: And be you blithe and bonny,
069: Converting all your sounds of woe
070: Into Hey nonny, nonny.
071: Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
072: Of dumps so dull and heavy;
073: The fraud of men was ever so,
074: Since summer first was leafy:
075: Then sigh not so, &c.

DON PEDRO
076: By my troth, a good song.

BALTHASAR
077: And an ill singer, my lord.

DON PEDRO
078: Ha, no, no, faith; thou singest well enough for a shift.

BENEDICK
079: An he had been a dog that should have howled thus,
080: they would have hanged him: and I pray God his bad
081: voice bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the
082: night-raven, come what plague could have come after
083: it.

DON PEDRO
084: Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee,
085: get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night we
086: would have it at the Lady Hero's chamber-window.

BALTHASAR
087: The best I can, my lord.

DON PEDRO
088: Do so: farewell.
[Exit BALTHASAR]
089: Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of
090: to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with
091: Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO
092: O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did
093: never think that lady would have loved any man.

LEONATO
094: No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she
095: should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in
096: all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.

BENEDICK
097: Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?

LEONATO
098: By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think
099: of it but that she loves him with an enraged
100: affection: it is past the infinite of thought.

DON PEDRO
101: May be she doth but counterfeit.

CLAUDIO
102: Faith, like enough.

LEONATO
103: O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of
104: passion came so near the life of passion as she
105: discovers it.

DON PEDRO
106: Why, what effects of passion shows she?

CLAUDIO
107: Bait the hook well; this fish will bite.

LEONATO
108: What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you heard
109: my daughter tell you how.

CLAUDIO
110: She did, indeed.

DON PEDRO
111: How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I
112: thought her spirit had been invincible against all
113: assaults of affection.

LEONATO
114: I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially
115: against Benedick.

BENEDICK
116: I should think this a gull, but that the
117: white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot,
118: sure, hide himself in such reverence.

CLAUDIO
119: He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up.

DON PEDRO
120: Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?

LEONATO
121: No; and swears she never will: that's her torment.

CLAUDIO
122: 'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: 'Shall
123: I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him
124: with scorn, write to him that I love him?'

LEONATO
125: This says she now when she is beginning to write to
126: him; for she'll be up twenty times a night, and
127: there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a
128: sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.

CLAUDIO
129: Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a
130: pretty jest your daughter told us of.

LEONATO
131: O, when she had writ it and was reading it over, she
132: found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet?

CLAUDIO
133: That.

LEONATO
134: O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence;
135: railed at herself, that she should be so immodest
136: to write to one that she knew would flout her; 'I
137: measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I
138: should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I
139: love him, I should.'

CLAUDIO
140: Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs,
141: beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O
142: sweet Benedick! God give me patience!'

LEONATO
143: She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and the
144: ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter
145: is sometime afeared she will do a desperate outrage
146: to herself: it is very true.

DON PEDRO
147: It were good that Benedick knew of it by some
148: other, if she will not discover it.

CLAUDIO
149: To what end? He would make but a sport of it and
150: torment the poor lady worse.

DON PEDRO
151: An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an
152: excellent sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion,
153: she is virtuous.

CLAUDIO
154: And she is exceeding wise.

DON PEDRO
155: In every thing but in loving Benedick.

LEONATO
156: O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender
157: a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath
158: the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just
159: cause, being her uncle and her guardian.

DON PEDRO
160: I would she had bestowed this dotage on me: I would
161: have daffed all other respects and made her half
162: myself. I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and hear
163: what a' will say.

LEONATO
164: Were it good, think you?

CLAUDIO
165: Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she
166: will die, if he love her not, and she will die, ere
167: she make her love known, and she will die, if he woo
168: her, rather than she will bate one breath of her
169: accustomed crossness.

DON PEDRO
170: She doth well: if she should make tender of her
171: love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the
172: man, as you know all, hath a contemptible spirit.

CLAUDIO
173: He is a very proper man.

DON PEDRO
174: He hath indeed a good outward happiness.

CLAUDIO
175: Before God! and, in my mind, very wise.

DON PEDRO
176: He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.

CLAUDIO
177: And I take him to be valiant.

DON PEDRO
178: As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing of
179: quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he
180: avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes
181: them with a most Christian-like fear.

LEONATO
182: If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace:
183: if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a
184: quarrel with fear and trembling.

DON PEDRO
185: And so will he do; for the man doth fear God,
186: howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests
187: he will make. Well I am sorry for your niece. Shall
188: we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love?

CLAUDIO
189: Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with
190: good counsel.

LEONATO
191: Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first.

DON PEDRO
192: Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter:
193: let it cool the while. I love Benedick well; and I
194: could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see
195: how much he is unworthy so good a lady.

LEONATO
196: My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.

CLAUDIO
197: If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never
198: trust my expectation.

DON PEDRO
199: Let there be the same net spread for her; and that
200: must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The
201: sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of
202: another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the
203: scene that I would see, which will be merely a
204: dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO

BENEDICK [Coming forward]
205: This can be no trick: the
206: conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of
207: this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it
208: seems her affections have their full bent. Love me!
209: why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured:
210: they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive
211: the love come from her; they say too that she will
212: rather die than give any sign of affection. I did
213: never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy
214: are they that hear their detractions and can put
215: them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis a
216: truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis
217: so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving
218: me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor
219: no great argument of her folly, for I will be
220: horribly in love with her. I may chance have some
221: odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me,
222: because I have railed so long against marriage: but
223: doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat
224: in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
225: Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of
226: the brain awe a man from the career of his humour?
227: No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would
228: die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
229: were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day!
230: she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in
231: her.

Enter BEATRICE

BEATRICE
232: Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

BENEDICK
233: Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

BEATRICE
234: I took no more pains for those thanks than you take
235: pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would
236: not have come.

BENEDICK
237: You take pleasure then in the message?

BEATRICE
238: Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's
239: point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach,
240: signior: fare you well.

Exit

BENEDICK
241: Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in
242: to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I took
243: no more pains for those thanks than you took pains
244: to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any pains
245: that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do
246: not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not
247: love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.

Exit

ACT III, SCENE I.

LEONATO'S garden.

Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA

HERO
001: Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor;
002: There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
003: Proposing with the prince and Claudio:
004: Whisper her ear and tell her, I and Ursula
005: Walk in the orchard and our whole discourse
006: Is all of her; say that thou overheard'st us;
007: And bid her steal into the pleached bower,
008: Where honeysuckles, ripen'd by the sun,
009: Forbid the sun to enter, like favourites,
010: Made proud by princes, that advance their pride
011: Against that power that bred it: there will she hide her,
012: To listen our purpose. This is thy office;
013: Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.

MARGARET
014: I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently.

Exit

HERO
015: Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
016: As we do trace this alley up and down,
017: Our talk must only be of Benedick.
018: When I do name him, let it be thy part
019: To praise him more than ever man did merit:
020: My talk to thee must be how Benedick
021: Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
022: Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,
023: That only wounds by hearsay.
[Enter BEATRICE, behind]
024: Now begin;
025: For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs
026: Close by the ground, to hear our conference.

URSULA
027: The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish
028: Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,
029: And greedily devour the treacherous bait:
030: So angle we for Beatrice; who even now
031: Is couched in the woodbine coverture.
032: Fear you not my part of the dialogue.

HERO
033: Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
034: Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.
[Approaching the bower]
035: No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful;
036: I know her spirits are as coy and wild
037: As haggerds of the rock.

URSULA
038: But are you sure
039: That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?

HERO
040: So says the prince and my new-trothed lord.

URSULA
041: And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?

HERO
042: They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;
043: But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
044: To wish him wrestle with affection,
045: And never to let Beatrice know of it.

URSULA
046: Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
047: Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
048: As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?

HERO
049: O god of love! I know he doth deserve
050: As much as may be yielded to a man:
051: But Nature never framed a woman's heart
052: Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice;
053: Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
054: Misprising what they look on, and her wit
055: Values itself so highly that to her
056: All matter else seems weak: she cannot love,
057: Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
058: She is so self-endeared.

URSULA
059: Sure, I think so;
060: And therefore certainly it were not good
061: She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.

HERO
062: Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
063: How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
064: But she would spell him backward: if fair-faced,
065: She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
066: If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antique,
067: Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
068: If low, an agate very vilely cut;
069: If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
070: If silent, why, a block moved with none.
071: So turns she every man the wrong side out
072: And never gives to truth and virtue that
073: Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.

URSULA
074: Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.

HERO
075: No, not to be so odd and from all fashions
076: As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable:
077: But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
078: She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me
079: Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
080: Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire,
081: Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly:
082: It were a better death than die with mocks,
083: Which is as bad as die with tickling.

URSULA
084: Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.

HERO
085: No; rather I will go to Benedick
086: And counsel him to fight against his passion.
087: And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders
088: To stain my cousin with: one doth not know
089: How much an ill word may empoison liking.

URSULA
090: O, do not do your cousin such a wrong.
091: She cannot be so much without true judgment--
092: Having so swift and excellent a wit
093: As she is prized to have--as to refuse
094: So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.

HERO
095: He is the only man of Italy.
096: Always excepted my dear Claudio.

URSULA
097: I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,
098: Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
099: For shape, for bearing, argument and valour,
100: Goes foremost in report through Italy.

HERO
101: Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.

URSULA
102: His excellence did earn it, ere he had it.
103: When are you married, madam?

HERO
104: Why, every day, to-morrow. Come, go in:
105: I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
106: Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.

URSULA
107: She's limed, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam.

HERO
108: If it proves so, then loving goes by haps:
109: Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.

Exeunt HERO and URSULA

BEATRICE [Coming forward]
110: What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
111: Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
112: Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
113: No glory lives behind the back of such.
114: And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,
115: Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:
116: If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
117: To bind our loves up in a holy band;
118: For others say thou dost deserve, and I
119: Believe it better than reportingly.

Exit

ACT III, SCENE II.

A room in LEONATO'S house

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO

DON PEDRO
001: I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and
002: then go I toward Arragon.

CLAUDIO
003: I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll
004: vouchsafe me.

DON PEDRO
005: Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss
006: of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
007: and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold
008: with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown
009: of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all
010: mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's
011: bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at
012: him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his
013: tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his
014: tongue speaks.

BENEDICK
015: Gallants, I am not as I have been.

LEONATO
016: So say I methinks you are sadder.

CLAUDIO
017: I hope he be in love.

DON PEDRO
018: Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in
019: him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad,
020: he wants money.

BENEDICK
021: I have the toothache.

DON PEDRO
022: Draw it.

BENEDICK
023: Hang it!

CLAUDIO
024: You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

DON PEDRO
025: What! sigh for the toothache?

LEONATO
026: Where is but a humour or a worm.

BENEDICK
027: Well, every one can master a grief but he that has
028: it.

CLAUDIO
029: Yet say I, he is in love.

DON PEDRO
030: There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
031: a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be
032: a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the
033: shape of two countries at once, as, a German from
034: the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from
035: the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy
036: to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
037: fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.

CLAUDIO
038: If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
039: believing old signs: a' brushes his hat o'
040: mornings; what should that bode?

DON PEDRO
041: Hath any man seen him at the barber's?

CLAUDIO
042: No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him,
043: and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
044: stuffed tennis-balls.

LEONATO
045: Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.

DON PEDRO
046: Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell him
047: out by that?

CLAUDIO
048: That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.

DON PEDRO
049: The greatest note of it is his melancholy.

CLAUDIO
050: And when was he wont to wash his face?

DON PEDRO
051: Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear
052: what they say of him.

CLAUDIO
053: Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into
054: a lute-string and now governed by stops.

DON PEDRO
055: Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude,
056: conclude he is in love.

CLAUDIO
057: Nay, but I know who loves him.

DON PEDRO
058: That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.

CLAUDIO
059: Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of
060: all, dies for him.

DON PEDRO
061: She shall be buried with her face upwards.

BENEDICK
062: Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
063: signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight
064: or nine wise words to speak to you, which these
065: hobby-horses must not hear.

Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO

DON PEDRO
066: For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.

CLAUDIO
067: 'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
068: played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two
069: bears will not bite one another when they meet.

Enter DON JOHN

DON JOHN
070: My lord and brother, God save you!

DON PEDRO
071: Good den, brother.

DON JOHN
072: If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

DON PEDRO
073: In private?

DON JOHN
074: If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for
075: what I would speak of concerns him.

DON PEDRO
076: What's the matter?

DON JOHN [To CLAUDIO]
077: Means your lordship to be married
078: to-morrow?

DON PEDRO
079: You know he does.

DON JOHN
080: I know not that, when he knows what I know.

CLAUDIO
081: If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

DON JOHN
082: You may think I love you not: let that appear
083: hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
084: manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you
085: well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect
086: your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and
087: labour ill bestowed.

DON PEDRO
088: Why, what's the matter?

DON JOHN
089: I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
090: shortened, for she has been too long a talking of,
091: the lady is disloyal.

CLAUDIO
092: Who, Hero?

DON PEDRO
093: Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:

CLAUDIO
094: Disloyal?

DON JOHN
095: The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I
096: could say she were worse: think you of a worse
097: title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
098: further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall
099: see her chamber-window entered, even the night
100: before her wedding-day: if you love her then,
101: to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour
102: to change your mind.

CLAUDIO
103: May this be so?

DON PEDRO
104: I will not think it.

DON JOHN
105: If you dare not trust that you see, confess not
106: that you know: if you will follow me, I will show
107: you enough; and when you have seen more and heard
108: more, proceed accordingly.

CLAUDIO
109: If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry
110: her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should
111: wed, there will I shame her.

DON PEDRO
112: And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
113: with thee to disgrace her.

DON JOHN
114: I will disparage her no farther till you are my
115: witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and
116: let the issue show itself.

DON PEDRO
117: O day untowardly turned!

CLAUDIO
118: O mischief strangely thwarting!

DON JOHN
119: O plague right well prevented! so will you say when
120: you have seen the sequel.

Exeunt

ACT III, SCENE III.

A street.

Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch

DOGBERRY
001: Are you good men and true?

VERGES
002: Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
003: salvation, body and soul.

DOGBERRY
004: Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
005: they should have any allegiance in them, being
006: chosen for the prince's watch.

VERGES
007: Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.

DOGBERRY
008: First, who think you the most desertless man to be
009: constable?

First Watchman
010: Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can
011: write and read.

DOGBERRY
012: Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed
013: you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is
014: the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.

Second Watchman
015: Both which, master constable,--

DOGBERRY
016: You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
017: for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make
018: no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
019: let that appear when there is no need of such
020: vanity. You are thought here to be the most
021: senseless and fit man for the constable of the
022: watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your
023: charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are
024: to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.

Second Watchman
025: How if a' will not stand?

DOGBERRY
026: Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and
027: presently call the rest of the watch together and
028: thank God you are rid of a knave.

VERGES
029: If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
030: of the prince's subjects.

DOGBERRY
031: True, and they are to meddle with none but the
032: prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
033: the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to
034: talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.

Watchman
035: We will rather sleep than talk: we know what
036: belongs to a watch.

DOGBERRY
037: Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
038: watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should
039: offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
040: stolen. Well, you are to call at all the
041: ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

Watchman
042: How if they will not?

DOGBERRY
043: Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if
044: they make you not then the better answer, you may
045: say they are not the men you took them for.

Watchman
046: Well, sir.

DOGBERRY
047: If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
048: of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
049: kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
050: why the more is for your honesty.

Watchman
051: If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay
052: hands on him?

DOGBERRY
053: Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they
054: that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable
055: way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him
056: show himself what he is and steal out of your company.

VERGES
057: You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

DOGBERRY
058: Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more
059: a man who hath any honesty in him.

VERGES
060: If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call
061: to the nurse and bid her still it.

Watchman
062: How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

DOGBERRY
063: Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake
064: her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her
065: lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.

VERGES
066: 'Tis very true.

DOGBERRY
067: This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are
068: to present the prince's own person: if you meet the
069: prince in the night, you may stay him.

VERGES
070: Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot.

DOGBERRY
071: Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows
072: the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without
073: the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought
074: to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a
075: man against his will.

VERGES
076: By'r lady, I think it be so.

DOGBERRY
077: Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be
078: any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your
079: fellows' counsels and your own; and good night.
080: Come, neighbour.

Watchman
081: Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here
082: upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOGBERRY
083: One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch
084: about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being
085: there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.
086: Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.

Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES

Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE

BORACHIO
087: What Conrade!

Watchman [Aside]
088: Peace! stir not.

BORACHIO
089: Conrade, I say!

CONRADE
090: Here, man; I am at thy elbow.

BORACHIO
091: Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a
092: scab follow.

CONRADE
093: I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward
094: with thy tale.

BORACHIO
095: Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for
096: it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,
097: utter all to thee.

Watchman [Aside]
098: Some treason, masters: yet stand close.

BORACHIO
099: Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.

CONRADE
100: Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?

BORACHIO
101: Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any
102: villany should be so rich; for when rich villains
103: have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what
104: price they will.

CONRADE
105: I wonder at it.

BORACHIO
106: That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that
107: the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is
108: nothing to a man.

CONRADE
109: Yes, it is apparel.

BORACHIO
110: I mean, the fashion.

CONRADE
111: Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

BORACHIO
112: Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But
113: seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion
114: is?

Watchman [Aside]
115: I know that Deformed; a' has been a vile
116: thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like a
117: gentleman: I remember his name.

BORACHIO
118: Didst thou not hear somebody?

CONRADE
119: No; 'twas the vane on the house.

BORACHIO
120: Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this
121: fashion is? how giddily a' turns about all the hot
122: bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty?
123: sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers
124: in the reeky painting, sometime like god Bel's
125: priests in the old church-window, sometime like the
126: shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry,
127: where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

CONRADE
128: All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears
129: out more apparel than the man. But art not thou
130: thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast
131: shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?

BORACHIO
132: Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night
133: wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the
134: name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress'
135: chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good
136: night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first
137: tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my master,
138: planted and placed and possessed by my master Don
139: John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter.

CONRADE
140: And thought they Margaret was Hero?

BORACHIO
141: Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the
142: devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly
143: by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by
144: the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly
145: by my villany, which did confirm any slander that
146: Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore
147: he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning
148: at the temple, and there, before the whole
149: congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night
150: and send her home again without a husband.

First Watchman
151: We charge you, in the prince's name, stand!

Second Watchman
152: Call up the right master constable. We have here
153: recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that
154: ever was known in the commonwealth.

First Watchman
155: And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a'
156: wears a lock.

CONRADE
157: Masters, masters,--

Second Watchman
158: You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.

CONRADE
159: Masters,--

First Watchman
160: Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.

BORACHIO
161: We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken
162: up of these men's bills.

CONRADE
163: A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.

Exeunt

ACT III, SCENE IV.

HERO's apartment.

Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA

HERO
001: Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire
002: her to rise.

URSULA
003: I will, lady.

HERO
004: And bid her come hither.

URSULA
005: Well.

Exit

MARGARET
006: Troth, I think your other rabato were better.

HERO
007: No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear this.

MARGARET
008: By my troth, 's not so good; and I warrant your
009: cousin will say so.

HERO
010: My cousin's a fool, and thou art another: I'll wear
011: none but this.

MARGARET
012: I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair
013: were a thought browner; and your gown's a most rare
014: fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan's
015: gown that they praise so.

HERO
016: O, that exceeds, they say.

MARGARET
017: By my troth, 's but a night-gown in respect of
018: yours: cloth o' gold, and cuts, and laced with
019: silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves,
020: and skirts, round underborne with a bluish tinsel:
021: but for a fine, quaint, graceful and excellent
022: fashion, yours is worth ten on 't.

HERO
023: God give me joy to wear it! for my heart is
024: exceeding heavy.

MARGARET
025: 'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man.

HERO
026: Fie upon thee! art not ashamed?

MARGARET
027: Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is not
028: marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not your lord
029: honourable without marriage? I think you would have
030: me say, 'saving your reverence, a husband:' and bad
031: thinking do not wrest true speaking, I'll offend
032: nobody: is there any harm in 'the heavier for a
033: husband'? None, I think, and it be the right husband
034: and the right wife; otherwise 'tis light, and not
035: heavy: ask my Lady Beatrice else; here she comes.

Enter BEATRICE

HERO
036: Good morrow, coz.

BEATRICE
037: Good morrow, sweet Hero.

HERO
038: Why how now? do you speak in the sick tune?

BEATRICE
039: I am out of all other tune, methinks.

MARGARET
040: Clap's into 'Light o' love;' that goes without a
041: burden: do you sing it, and I'll dance it.

BEATRICE
042: Ye light o' love, with your heels! then, if your
043: husband have stables enough, you'll see he shall
044: lack no barns.

MARGARET
045: O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels.

BEATRICE
046: 'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; tis time you were
047: ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill: heigh-ho!

MARGARET
048: For a hawk, a horse, or a husband?

BEATRICE
049: For the letter that begins them all, H.

MARGARET
050: Well, and you be not turned Turk, there's no more
051: sailing by the star.

BEATRICE
052: What means the fool, trow?

MARGARET
053: Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire!

HERO
054: These gloves the count sent me; they are an
055: excellent perfume.

BEATRICE
056: I am stuffed, cousin; I cannot smell.

MARGARET
057: A maid, and stuffed! there's goodly catching of cold.

BEATRICE
058: O, God help me! God help me! how long have you
059: professed apprehension?

MARGARET
060: Even since you left it. Doth not my wit become me rarely?

BEATRICE
061: It is not seen enough, you should wear it in your
062: cap. By my troth, I am sick.

MARGARET
063: Get you some of this distilled Carduus Benedictus,
064: and lay it to your heart: it is the only thing for a qualm.

HERO
065: There thou prickest her with a thistle.

BEATRICE
066: Benedictus! why Benedictus? you have some moral in
067: this Benedictus.

MARGARET
068: Moral! no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I
069: meant, plain holy-thistle. You may think perchance
070: that I think you are in love: nay, by'r lady, I am
071: not such a fool to think what I list, nor I list
072: not to think what I can, nor indeed I cannot think,
073: if I would think my heart out of thinking, that you
074: are in love or that you will be in love or that you
075: can be in love. Yet Benedick was such another, and
076: now is he become a man: he swore he would never
077: marry, and yet now, in despite of his heart, he eats
078: his meat without grudging: and how you may be
079: converted I know not, but methinks you look with
080: your eyes as other women do.

BEATRICE
081: What pace is this that thy tongue keeps?

MARGARET
082: Not a false gallop.

Re-enter URSULA

URSULA
083: Madam, withdraw: the prince, the count, Signior
084: Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants of the
085: town, are come to fetch you to church.

HERO
086: Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula.

Exeunt

ACT III, SCENE V.

Another room in LEONATO'S house.

Enter LEONATO, with DOGBERRY and VERGES

LEONATO
001: What would you with me, honest neighbour?

DOGBERRY
002: Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you
003: that decerns you nearly.

LEONATO
004: Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me.

DOGBERRY
005: Marry, this it is, sir.

VERGES
006: Yes, in truth it is, sir.

LEONATO
007: What is it, my good friends?

DOGBERRY
008: Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the
009: matter: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so
010: blunt as, God help, I would desire they were; but,
011: in faith, honest as the skin between his brows.

VERGES
012: Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living
013: that is an old man and no honester than I.

DOGBERRY
014: Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour Verges.

LEONATO
015: Neighbours, you are tedious.

DOGBERRY
016: It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the
017: poor duke's officers; but truly, for mine own part,
018: if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in
019: my heart to bestow it all of your worship.

LEONATO
020: All thy tediousness on me, ah?

DOGBERRY
021: Yea, an 'twere a thousand pound more than 'tis; for
022: I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any
023: man in the city; and though I be but a poor man, I
024: am glad to hear it.

VERGES
025: And so am I.

LEONATO
026: I would fain know what you have to say.

VERGES
027: Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting your
028: worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant
029: knaves as any in Messina.

DOGBERRY
030: A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they
031: say, when the age is in, the wit is out: God help
032: us! it is a world to see. Well said, i' faith,
033: neighbour Verges: well, God's a good man; an two men
034: ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest
035: soul, i' faith, sir; by my troth he is, as ever
036: broke bread; but God is to be worshipped; all men
037: are not alike; alas, good neighbour!

LEONATO
038: Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you.

DOGBERRY
039: Gifts that God gives.

LEONATO
040: I must leave you.

DOGBERRY
041: One word, sir: our watch, sir, have indeed
042: comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would
043: have them this morning examined before your worship.

LEONATO
044: Take their examination yourself and bring it me: I
045: am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you.

DOGBERRY
046: It shall be suffigance.

LEONATO
047: Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well.

Enter a Messenger

Messenger
048: My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to
049: her husband.

LEONATO
050: I'll wait upon them: I am ready.

Exeunt LEONATO and Messenger

DOGBERRY
051: Go, good partner, go, get you to Francis Seacole;
052: bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol: we
053: are now to examination these men.

VERGES
054: And we must do it wisely.

DOGBERRY
055: We will spare for no wit, I warrant you; here's
056: that shall drive some of them to a non-come: only
057: get the learned writer to set down our
058: excommunication and meet me at the gaol.

Exeunt

ACT IV, SCENE I.

A church.

Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONATO, FRIAR FRANCIS, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, HERO, BEATRICE, and Attendants

LEONATO
001: Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain
002: form of marriage, and you shall recount their
003: particular duties afterwards.

FRIAR FRANCIS
004: You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady.

CLAUDIO
005: No.

LEONATO
006: To be married to her: friar, you come to marry her.

FRIAR FRANCIS
007: Lady, you come hither to be married to this count.

HERO
008: I do.

FRIAR FRANCIS
009: If either of you know any inward impediment why you
010: should not be conjoined, charge you, on your souls,
011: to utter it.

CLAUDIO
012: Know you any, Hero?

HERO
013: None, my lord.

FRIAR FRANCIS
014: Know you any, count?

LEONATO
015: I dare make his answer, none.

CLAUDIO
016: O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily
017: do, not knowing what they do!

BENEDICK
018: How now! interjections? Why, then, some be of
019: laughing, as, ah, ha, he!

CLAUDIO
020: Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your leave:
021: Will you with free and unconstrained soul
022: Give me this maid, your daughter?

LEONATO
023: As freely, son, as God did give her me.

CLAUDIO
024: And what have I to give you back, whose worth
025: May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?

DON PEDRO
026: Nothing, unless you render her again.

CLAUDIO
027: Sweet prince, you learn me noble thankfulness.
028: There, Leonato, take her back again:
029: Give not this rotten orange to your friend;
030: She's but the sign and semblance of her honour.
031: Behold how like a maid she blushes here!
032: O, what authority and show of truth
033: Can cunning sin cover itself withal!
034: Comes not that blood as modest evidence
035: To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear,
036: All you that see her, that she were a maid,
037: By these exterior shows? But she is none:
038: She knows the heat of a luxurious bed;
039: Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.

LEONATO
040: What do you mean, my lord?

CLAUDIO
041: Not to be married,
042: Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.

LEONATO
043: Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof,
044: Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youth,
045: And made defeat of her virginity,--

CLAUDIO
046: I know what you would say: if I have known her,
047: You will say she did embrace me as a husband,
048: And so extenuate the 'forehand sin:
049: No, Leonato,
050: I never tempted her with word too large;
051: But, as a brother to his sister, show'd
052: Bashful sincerity and comely love.

HERO
053: And seem'd I ever otherwise to you?

CLAUDIO
054: Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against it:
055: You seem to me as Dian in her orb,
056: As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown;
057: But you are more intemperate in your blood
058: Than Venus, or those pamper'd animals
059: That rage in savage sensuality.

HERO
060: Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide?

LEONATO
061: Sweet prince, why speak not you?

DON PEDRO
062: What should I speak?
063: I stand dishonour'd, that have gone about
064: To link my dear friend to a common stale.

LEONATO
065: Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?

DON JOHN
066: Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.

BENEDICK
067: This looks not like a nuptial.

HERO
068: True! O God!

CLAUDIO
069: Leonato, stand I here?
070: Is this the prince? is this the prince's brother?
071: Is this face Hero's? are our eyes our own?

LEONATO
072: All this is so: but what of this, my lord?

CLAUDIO
073: Let me but move one question to your daughter;
074: And, by that fatherly and kindly power
075: That you have in her, bid her answer truly.

LEONATO
076: I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.

HERO
077: O, God defend me! how am I beset!
078: What kind of catechising call you this?

CLAUDIO
079: To make you answer truly to your name.

HERO
080: Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name
081: With any just reproach?

CLAUDIO
082: Marry, that can Hero;
083: Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue.
084: What man was he talk'd with you yesternight
085: Out at your window betwixt twelve and one?
086: Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.

HERO
087: I talk'd with no man at that hour, my lord.

DON PEDRO
088: Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato,
089: I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour,
090: Myself, my brother and this grieved count
091: Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night
092: Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window
093: Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain,
094: Confess'd the vile encounters they have had
095: A thousand times in secret.

DON JOHN
096: Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my lord,
097: Not to be spoke of;
098: There is not chastity enough in language
099: Without offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady,
100: I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.

CLAUDIO
101: O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been,
102: If half thy outward graces had been placed
103: About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!
104: But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell,
105: Thou pure impiety and impious purity!
106: For thee I'll lock up all the gates of love,
107: And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang,
108: To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm,
109: And never shall it more be gracious.

LEONATO
110: Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?

HERO swoons

BEATRICE
111: Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down?

DON JOHN
112: Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light,
113: Smother her spirits up.

Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO

BENEDICK
114: How doth the lady?

BEATRICE
115: Dead, I think. Help, uncle!
116: Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Friar!

LEONATO
117: O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand.
118: Death is the fairest cover for her shame
119: That may be wish'd for.

BEATRICE
120: How now, cousin Hero!

FRIAR FRANCIS
121: Have comfort, lady.

LEONATO
122: Dost thou look up?

FRIAR FRANCIS
123: Yea, wherefore should she not?

LEONATO
124: Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing
125: Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny
126: The story that is printed in her blood?
127: Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
128: For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,
129: Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,
130: Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches,
131: Strike at thy life. Grieved I, I had but one?
132: Chid I for that at frugal nature's frame?
133: O, one too much by thee! Why had I one?
134: Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?
135: Why had I not with charitable hand
136: Took up a beggar's issue at my gates,
137: Who smirch'd thus and mired with infamy,
138: I might have said 'No part of it is mine;
139: This shame derives itself from unknown loins'?
140: But mine and mine I loved and mine I praised
141: And mine that I was proud on, mine so much
142: That I myself was to myself not mine,
143: Valuing of her,--why, she, O, she is fallen
144: Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea
145: Hath drops too few to wash her clean again
146: And salt too little which may season give
147: To her foul-tainted flesh!

BENEDICK
148: Sir, sir, be patient.
149: For my part, I am so attired in wonder,
150: I know not what to say.

BEATRICE
151: O, on my soul, my cousin is belied!

BENEDICK
152: Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?

BEATRICE
153: No, truly not; although, until last night,
154: I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.

LEONATO
155: Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger made
156: Which was before barr'd up with ribs of iron!
157: Would the two princes lie, and Claudio lie,
158: Who loved her so, that, speaking of her foulness,
159: Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her die.

FRIAR FRANCIS
160: Hear me a little; for I have only been
161: Silent so long and given way unto
162: This course of fortune
163: By noting of the lady. I have mark'd
164: A thousand blushing apparitions
165: To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames
166: In angel whiteness beat away those blushes;
167: And in her eye there hath appear'd a fire,
168: To burn the errors that these princes hold
169: Against her maiden truth. Call me a fool;
170: Trust not my reading nor my observations,
171: Which with experimental seal doth warrant
172: The tenor of my book; trust not my age,
173: My reverence, calling, nor divinity,
174: If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here
175: Under some biting error.

LEONATO
176: Friar, it cannot be.
177: Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left
178: Is that she will not add to her damnation
179: A sin of perjury; she not denies it:
180: Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuse
181: That which appears in proper nakedness?

FRIAR FRANCIS
182: Lady, what man is he you are accused of?

HERO
183: They know that do accuse me; I know none:
184: If I know more of any man alive
185: Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant,
186: Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father,
187: Prove you that any man with me conversed
188: At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight
189: Maintain'd the change of words with any creature,
190: Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!

FRIAR FRANCIS
191: There is some strange misprision in the princes.

BENEDICK
192: Two of them have the very bent of honour;
193: And if their wisdoms be misled in this,
194: The practise of it lives in John the bastard,
195: Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies.

LEONATO
196: I know not. If they speak but truth of her,
197: These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honour,
198: The proudest of them shall well hear of it.
199: Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine,
200: Nor age so eat up my invention,
201: Nor fortune made such havoc of my means,
202: Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends,
203: But they shall find, awaked in such a kind,
204: Both strength of limb and policy of mind,
205: Ability in means and choice of friends,
206: To quit me of them throughly.

FRIAR FRANCIS
207: Pause awhile,
208: And let my counsel sway you in this case.
209: Your daughter here the princes left for dead:
210: Let her awhile be secretly kept in,
211: And publish it that she is dead indeed;
212: Maintain a mourning ostentation
213: And on your family's old monument
214: Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites
215: That appertain unto a burial.

LEONATO
216: What shall become of this? what will this do?

FRIAR FRANCIS
217: Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf
218: Change slander to remorse; that is some good:
219: But not for that dream I on this strange course,
220: But on this travail look for greater birth.
221: She dying, as it must so be maintain'd,
222: Upon the instant that she was accused,
223: Shall be lamented, pitied and excused
224: Of every hearer: for it so falls out
225: That what we have we prize not to the worth
226: Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost,
227: Why, then we rack the value, then we find
228: The virtue that possession would not show us
229: Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio:
230: When he shall hear she died upon his words,
231: The idea of her life shall sweetly creep
232: Into his study of imagination,
233: And every lovely organ of her life
234: Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit,
235: More moving-delicate and full of life,
236: Into the eye and prospect of his soul,
237: Than when she lived indeed; then shall he mourn,
238: If ever love had interest in his liver,
239: And wish he had not so accused her,
240: No, though he thought his accusation true.
241: Let this be so, and doubt not but success
242: Will fashion the event in better shape
243: Than I can lay it down in likelihood.
244: But if all aim but this be levell'd false,
245: The supposition of the lady's death
246: Will quench the wonder of her infamy:
247: And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,
248: As best befits her wounded reputation,
249: In some reclusive and religious life,
250: Out of all eyes, tongues, minds and injuries.

BENEDICK
251: Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you:
252: And though you know my inwardness and love
253: Is very much unto the prince and Claudio,
254: Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this
255: As secretly and justly as your soul
256: Should with your body.

LEONATO
257: Being that I flow in grief,
258: The smallest twine may lead me.

FRIAR FRANCIS
259: 'Tis well consented: presently away;
260: For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure.
261: Come, lady, die to live: this wedding-day
262: Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure.

Exeunt all but BENEDICK and BEATRICE

BENEDICK
263: Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?

BEATRICE
264: Yea, and I will weep a while longer.

BENEDICK
265: I will not desire that.

BEATRICE
266: You have no reason; I do it freely.

BENEDICK
267: Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.

BEATRICE
268: Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!

BENEDICK
269: Is there any way to show such friendship?

BEATRICE
270: A very even way, but no such friend.

BENEDICK
271: May a man do it?

BEATRICE
272: It is a man's office, but not yours.

BENEDICK
273: I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is
274: not that strange?

BEATRICE
275: As strange as the thing I know not. It were as
276: possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as
277: you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I
278: confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.

BENEDICK
279: By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.

BEATRICE
280: Do not swear, and eat it.

BENEDICK
281: I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make
282: him eat it that says I love not you.

BEATRICE
283: Will you not eat your word?

BENEDICK
284: With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest
285: I love thee.

BEATRICE
286: Why, then, God forgive me!

BENEDICK
287: What offence, sweet Beatrice?

BEATRICE
288: You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to
289: protest I loved you.

BENEDICK
290: And do it with all thy heart.

BEATRICE
291: I love you with so much of my heart that none is
292: left to protest.

BENEDICK
293: Come, bid me do any thing for thee.

BEATRICE
294: Kill Claudio.

BENEDICK
295: Ha! not for the wide world.

BEATRICE
296: You kill me to deny it. Farewell.

BENEDICK
297: Tarry, sweet Beatrice.

BEATRICE
298: I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in
299: you: nay, I pray you, let me go.

BENEDICK
300: Beatrice,--

BEATRICE
301: In faith, I will go.

BENEDICK
302: We'll be friends first.

BEATRICE
303: You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.

BENEDICK
304: Is Claudio thine enemy?

BEATRICE
305: Is he not approved in the height a villain, that
306: hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O
307: that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they
308: come to take hands; and then, with public
309: accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour,
310: --O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart
311: in the market-place.

BENEDICK
312: Hear me, Beatrice,--

BEATRICE
313: Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying!

BENEDICK
314: Nay, but, Beatrice,--

BEATRICE
315: Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.

BENEDICK
316: Beat--

BEATRICE
317: Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony,
318: a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant,
319: surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I
320: had any friend would be a man for my sake! But
321: manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into
322: compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and
323: trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules
324: that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a
325: man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.

BENEDICK
326: Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.

BEATRICE
327: Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.

BENEDICK
328: Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?

BEATRICE
329: Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.

BENEDICK
330: Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will
331: kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand,
332: Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you
333: hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your
334: cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.

Exeunt

ACT IV, SCENE II.

A prison.

Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO

DOGBERRY
001: Is our whole dissembly appeared?

VERGES
002: O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Sexton
003: Which be the malefactors?

DOGBERRY
004: Marry, that am I and my partner.

VERGES
005: Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.

Sexton
006: But which are the offenders that are to be
007: examined? let them come before master constable.

DOGBERRY
008: Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
009: name, friend?

BORACHIO
010: Borachio.

DOGBERRY
011: Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

CONRADE
012: I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

DOGBERRY
013: Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
014: you serve God?

CONRADE, BORACHIO
015: Yea, sir, we hope.

DOGBERRY
016: Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
017: write God first; for God defend but God should go
018: before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
019: that you are little better than false knaves; and it
020: will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
021: you for yourselves?

CONRADE
022: Marry, sir, we say we are none.

DOGBERRY
023: A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
024: will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
025: word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
026: you are false knaves.

BORACHIO
027: Sir, I say to you we are none.

DOGBERRY
028: Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a
029: tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

Sexton
030: Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
031: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

DOGBERRY
032: Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch
033: come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
034: name, accuse these men.

First Watchman
035: This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
036: brother, was a villain.

DOGBERRY
037: Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
038: perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.

BORACHIO
039: Master constable,--

DOGBERRY
040: Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
041: I promise thee.

Sexton
042: What heard you him say else?

Second Watchman
043: Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
044: Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

DOGBERRY
045: Flat burglary as ever was committed.

VERGES
046: Yea, by mass, that it is.

Sexton
047: What else, fellow?

First Watchman
048: And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
049: disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.

DOGBERRY
050: O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
051: redemption for this.

Sexton
052: What else?

Watchman
053: This is all.

Sexton
054: And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
055: Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
056: Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
057: refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
058: Master constable, let these men be bound, and
059: brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show
060: him their examination.

Exit

DOGBERRY
061: Come, let them be opinioned.

VERGES
062: Let them be in the hands--

CONRADE
063: Off, coxcomb!

DOGBERRY
064: God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
065: down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
066: Thou naughty varlet!

CONRADE
067: Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.

DOGBERRY
068: Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
069: suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
070: down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
071: ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
072: that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
073: piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
074: I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
075: and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
076: more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
077: Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
078: rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
079: had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
080: thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
081: I had been writ down an ass!

Exeunt

ACT V, SCENE I.

Before LEONATO'S house.

Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO

ANTONIO
001: If you go on thus, you will kill yourself:
002: And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief
003: Against yourself.

LEONATO
004: I pray thee, cease thy counsel,
005: Which falls into mine ears as profitless
006: As water in a sieve: give not me counsel;
007: Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
008: But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
009: Bring me a father that so loved his child,
010: Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,
011: And bid him speak of patience;
012: Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine
013: And let it answer every strain for strain,
014: As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
015: In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
016: If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
017: Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan,
018: Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
019: With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me,
020: And I of him will gather patience.
021: But there is no such man: for, brother, men
022: Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
023: Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,
024: Their counsel turns to passion, which before
025: Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
026: Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
027: Charm ache with air and agony with words:
028: No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience
029: To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
030: But no man's virtue nor sufficiency
031: To be so moral when he shall endure
032: The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:
033: My griefs cry louder than advertisement.

ANTONIO
034: Therein do men from children nothing differ.

LEONATO
035: I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;
036: For there was never yet philosopher
037: That could endure the toothache patiently,
038: However they have writ the style of gods
039: And made a push at chance and sufferance.

ANTONIO
040: Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
041: Make those that do offend you suffer too.

LEONATO
042: There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do so.
043: My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;
044: And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince
045: And all of them that thus dishonour her.

ANTONIO
046: Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.

Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO

DON PEDRO
047: Good den, good den.

CLAUDIO
048: Good day to both of you.

LEONATO
049: Hear you. my lords,--

DON PEDRO
050: We have some haste, Leonato.

LEONATO
051: Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
052: Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.

DON PEDRO
053: Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.

ANTONIO
054: If he could right himself with quarreling,
055: Some of us would lie low.

CLAUDIO
056: Who wrongs him?

LEONATO
057: Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:--
058: Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
059: I fear thee not.

CLAUDIO
060: Marry, beshrew my hand,
061: If it should give your age such cause of fear:
062: In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.

LEONATO
063: Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:
064: I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
065: As under privilege of age to brag
066: What I have done being young, or what would do
067: Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
068: Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and me
069: That I am forced to lay my reverence by
070: And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
071: Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
072: I say thou hast belied mine innocent child;
073: Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
074: And she lies buried with her ancestors;
075: O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,
076: Save this of hers, framed by thy villany!

CLAUDIO
077: My villany?

LEONATO
078: Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.

DON PEDRO
079: You say not right, old man.

LEONATO
080: My lord, my lord,
081: I'll prove it on his body, if he dare,
082: Despite his nice fence and his active practise,
083: His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.

CLAUDIO
084: Away! I will not have to do with you.

LEONATO
085: Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child:
086: If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.

ANTONIO
087: He shall kill two of us, and men indeed:
088: But that's no matter; let him kill one first;
089: Win me and wear me; let him answer me.
090: Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me:
091: Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence;
092: Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.

LEONATO
093: Brother,--

ANTONIO
094: Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece;
095: And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains,
096: That dare as well answer a man indeed
097: As I dare take a serpent by the tongue:
098: Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!

LEONATO
099: Brother Antony,--

ANTONIO
100: Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
101: And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,--
102: Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys,
103: That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,
104: Go anticly, show outward hideousness,
105: And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,
106: How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;
107: And this is all.

LEONATO
108: But, brother Antony,--

ANTONIO
109: Come, 'tis no matter:
110: Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.

DON PEDRO
111: Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
112: My heart is sorry for your daughter's death:
113: But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing
114: But what was true and very full of proof.

LEONATO
115: My lord, my lord,--

DON PEDRO
116: I will not hear you.

LEONATO
117: No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.

ANTONIO
118: And shall, or some of us will smart for it.

Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO

DON PEDRO
119: See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.

Enter BENEDICK

CLAUDIO
120: Now, signior, what news?

BENEDICK
121: Good day, my lord.

DON PEDRO
122: Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part
123: almost a fray.

CLAUDIO
124: We had like to have had our two noses snapped off
125: with two old men without teeth.

DON PEDRO
126: Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had
127: we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.

BENEDICK
128: In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came
129: to seek you both.

CLAUDIO
130: We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are
131: high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten
132: away. Wilt thou use thy wit?

BENEDICK
133: It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?

DON PEDRO
134: Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

CLAUDIO
135: Never any did so, though very many have been beside
136: their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the
137: minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.

DON PEDRO
138: As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou
139: sick, or angry?

CLAUDIO
140: What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat,
141: thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

BENEDICK
142: Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you
143: charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.

CLAUDIO
144: Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was
145: broke cross.

DON PEDRO
146: By this light, he changes more and more: I think
147: he be angry indeed.

CLAUDIO
148: If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.

BENEDICK
149: Shall I speak a word in your ear?

CLAUDIO
150: God bless me from a challenge!

BENEDICK [Aside to CLAUDIO]
151: You are a villain; I jest not:
152: I will make it good how you dare, with what you
153: dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will
154: protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet
155: lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me
156: hear from you.

CLAUDIO
157: Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.

DON PEDRO
158: What, a feast, a feast?

CLAUDIO
159: I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's
160: head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most
161: curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find
162: a woodcock too?

BENEDICK
163: Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.

DON PEDRO
164: I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the
165: other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,'
166: said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a
167: great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross one.'
168: 'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she, 'it
169: hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman
170: is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise gentleman.'
171: 'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That I
172: believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on
173: Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning;
174: there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus
175: did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular
176: virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou
177: wast the properest man in Italy.

CLAUDIO
178: For the which she wept heartily and said she cared
179: not.

DON PEDRO
180: Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she
181: did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly:
182: the old man's daughter told us all.

CLAUDIO
183: All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was
184: hid in the garden.

DON PEDRO
185: But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on
186: the sensible Benedick's head?

CLAUDIO
187: Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the
188: married man'?

BENEDICK
189: Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave
190: you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests
191: as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked,
192: hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank
193: you: I must discontinue your company: your brother
194: the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among
195: you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
196: Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till
197: then, peace be with him.

Exit

DON PEDRO
198: He is in earnest.

CLAUDIO
199: In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for
200: the love of Beatrice.

DON PEDRO
201: And hath challenged thee.

CLAUDIO
202: Most sincerely.

DON PEDRO
203: What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his
204: doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!

CLAUDIO
205: He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a
206: doctor to such a man.

DON PEDRO
207: But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and
208: be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled?

Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO

DOGBERRY
209: Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she
210: shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay,
211: an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.

DON PEDRO
212: How now? two of my brother's men bound! Borachio
213: one!

CLAUDIO
214: Hearken after their offence, my lord.

DON PEDRO
215: Officers, what offence have these men done?

DOGBERRY
216: Marry, sir, they have committed false report;
217: moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily,
218: they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have
219: belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust
220: things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.

DON PEDRO
221: First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I
222: ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why
223: they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay
224: to their charge.

CLAUDIO
225: Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by
226: my troth, there's one meaning well suited.

DON PEDRO
227: Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus
228: bound to your answer? this learned constable is
229: too cunning to be understood: what's your offence?

BORACHIO
230: Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer:
231: do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have
232: deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms
233: could not discover, these shallow fools have brought
234: to light: who in the night overheard me confessing
235: to this man how Don John your brother incensed me
236: to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into
237: the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's
238: garments, how you disgraced her, when you should
239: marry her: my villany they have upon record; which
240: I had rather seal with my death than repeat over
241: to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my
242: master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire
243: nothing but the reward of a villain.

DON PEDRO
244: Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?

CLAUDIO
245: I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.

DON PEDRO
246: But did my brother set thee on to this?

BORACHIO
247: Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.

DON PEDRO
248: He is composed and framed of treachery:
249: And fled he is upon this villany.

CLAUDIO
250: Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear
251: In the rare semblance that I loved it first.

DOGBERRY
252: Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our
253: sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter:
254: and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time
255: and place shall serve, that I am an ass.

VERGES
256: Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the
257: Sexton too.

Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton

LEONATO
258: Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,
259: That, when I note another man like him,
260: I may avoid him: which of these is he?

BORACHIO
261: If you would know your wronger, look on me.

LEONATO
262: Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd
263: Mine innocent child?

BORACHIO
264: Yea, even I alone.

LEONATO
265: No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:
266: Here stand a pair of honourable men;
267: A third is fled, that had a hand in it.
268: I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death:
269: Record it with your high and worthy deeds:
270: 'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.

CLAUDIO
271: I know not how to pray your patience;
272: Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;
273: Impose me to what penance your invention
274: Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not
275: But in mistaking.

DON PEDRO
276: By my soul, nor I:
277: And yet, to satisfy this good old man,
278: I would bend under any heavy weight
279: That he'll enjoin me to.

LEONATO
280: I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;
281: That were impossible: but, I pray you both,
282: Possess the people in Messina here
283: How innocent she died; and if your love
284: Can labour ought in sad invention,
285: Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
286: And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night:
287: To-morrow morning come you to my house,
288: And since you could not be my son-in-law,
289: Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
290: Almost the copy of my child that's dead,
291: And she alone is heir to both of us:
292: Give her the right you should have given her cousin,
293: And so dies my revenge.

CLAUDIO
294: O noble sir,
295: Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
296: I do embrace your offer; and dispose
297: For henceforth of poor Claudio.

LEONATO
298: To-morrow then I will expect your coming;
299: To-night I take my leave. This naughty man
300: Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
301: Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong,
302: Hired to it by your brother.

BORACHIO
303: No, by my soul, she was not,
304: Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
305: But always hath been just and virtuous
306: In any thing that I do know by her.

DOGBERRY
307: Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and
308: black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call
309: me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his
310: punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of
311: one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and
312: a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's
313: name, the which he hath used so long and never paid
314: that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing
315: for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that point.

LEONATO
316: I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.

DOGBERRY
317: Your worship speaks like a most thankful and
318: reverend youth; and I praise God for you.

LEONATO
319: There's for thy pains.

DOGBERRY
320: God save the foundation!

LEONATO
321: Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.

DOGBERRY
322: I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I
323: beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the
324: example of others. God keep your worship! I wish
325: your worship well; God restore you to health! I
326: humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry
327: meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour.

Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES

LEONATO
328: Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.

ANTONIO
329: Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.

DON PEDRO
330: We will not fail.

CLAUDIO
331: To-night I'll mourn with Hero.

LEONATO [To the Watch]
332: Bring you these fellows on. We'll
333: talk with Margaret,
334: How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.

Exeunt, severally

ACT V, SCENE II.

LEONATO'S garden.

Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting

BENEDICK
001: Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at
002: my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.

MARGARET
003: Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?

BENEDICK
004: In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living
005: shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou
006: deservest it.

MARGARET
007: To have no man come over me! why, shall I always
008: keep below stairs?

BENEDICK
009: Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it catches.

MARGARET
010: And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit,
011: but hurt not.

BENEDICK
012: A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a
013: woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give
014: thee the bucklers.

MARGARET
015: Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.

BENEDICK
016: If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the
017: pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.

MARGARET
018: Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.

BENEDICK
019: And therefore will come.
[Exit MARGARET]
[Sings]
020: The god of love,
021: That sits above,
022: And knows me, and knows me,
023: How pitiful I deserve,--
024: I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good
025: swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and
026: a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers,
027: whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a
028: blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned
029: over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I
030: cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find
031: out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an innocent
032: rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme; for,
033: 'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very ominous
034: endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet,
035: nor I cannot woo in festival terms.
[Enter BEATRICE]
036: Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?

BEATRICE
037: Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.

BENEDICK
038: O, stay but till then!

BEATRICE
039: 'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere
040: I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with
041: knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.

BENEDICK
042: Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.

BEATRICE
043: Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but
044: foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I
045: will depart unkissed.

BENEDICK
046: Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense,
047: so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee
048: plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either
049: I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe
050: him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for
051: which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?

BEATRICE
052: For them all together; which maintained so politic
053: a state of evil that they will not admit any good
054: part to intermingle with them. But for which of my
055: good parts did you first suffer love for me?

BENEDICK
056: Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love
057: indeed, for I love thee against my will.

BEATRICE
058: In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart!
059: If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for
060: yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.

BENEDICK
061: Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.

BEATRICE
062: It appears not in this confession: there's not one
063: wise man among twenty that will praise himself.

BENEDICK
064: An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in
065: the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect
066: in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live
067: no longer in monument than the bell rings and the
068: widow weeps.

BEATRICE
069: And how long is that, think you?

BENEDICK
070: Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in
071: rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the
072: wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no
073: impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his
074: own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for
075: praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is
076: praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?

BEATRICE
077: Very ill.

BENEDICK
078: And how do you?

BEATRICE
079: Very ill too.

BENEDICK
080: Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave
081: you too, for here comes one in haste.

Enter URSULA

URSULA
082: Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's old
083: coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been
084: falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily
085: abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is
086: fled and gone. Will you come presently?

BEATRICE
087: Will you go hear this news, signior?

BENEDICK
088: I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be
089: buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with
090: thee to thy uncle's.

Exeunt

ACT V, SCENE III.

A church.

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and three or four with tapers

CLAUDIO
001: Is this the monument of Leonato?

Lord
002: It is, my lord.

CLAUDIO [Reading out of a scroll]
003: Done to death by slanderous tongues
004: Was the Hero that here lies:
005: Death, in guerdon of her wrongs,
006: Gives her fame which never dies.
007: So the life that died with shame
008: Lives in death with glorious fame.
009: Hang thou there upon the tomb,
010: Praising her when I am dumb.
011: Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn.
012: Pardon, goddess of the night,
013: Those that slew thy virgin knight;
014: For the which, with songs of woe,
015: Round about her tomb they go.
016: Midnight, assist our moan;
017: Help us to sigh and groan,
018: Heavily, heavily:
019: Graves, yawn and yield your dead,
020: Till death be uttered,
021: Heavily, heavily.

CLAUDIO
022: Now, unto thy bones good night!
023: Yearly will I do this rite.

DON PEDRO
024: Good morrow, masters; put your torches out:
025: The wolves have prey'd; and look, the gentle day,
026: Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about
027: Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey.
028: Thanks to you all, and leave us: fare you well.

CLAUDIO
029: Good morrow, masters: each his several way.

DON PEDRO
030: Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds;
031: And then to Leonato's we will go.

CLAUDIO
032: And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's
033: Than this for whom we render'd up this woe.

Exeunt

ACT V, SCENE IV.

A room in LEONATO'S house.

Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE, MARGARET, URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS, and HERO

FRIAR FRANCIS
001: Did I not tell you she was innocent?

LEONATO
002: So are the prince and Claudio, who accused her
003: Upon the error that you heard debated:
004: But Margaret was in some fault for this,
005: Although against her will, as it appears
006: In the true course of all the question.

ANTONIO
007: Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.

BENEDICK
008: And so am I, being else by faith enforced
009: To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.

LEONATO
010: Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all,
011: Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves,
012: And when I send for you, come hither mask'd.
[Exeunt Ladies]
013: The prince and Claudio promised by this hour
014: To visit me. You know your office, brother:
015: You must be father to your brother's daughter
016: And give her to young Claudio.

ANTONIO
017: Which I will do with confirm'd countenance.

BENEDICK
018: Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.

FRIAR FRANCIS